I am utterly speechless at the immensity and overwhelming power of God's grace, mercy, and most importantly, love. There are so many things that have been speaking out to me, things that I have been saying all the time to my kids that I work with, and to friends of mine. But because of recent revelations, they ring truer than ever before.
"When it comes to love, fear has no place: only faith."
"The deeper the foundation, the taller you can grow."
"Family and God are the best loves you never knew you always had."
And these are just some of them, but the list and the words really could go on for infinity (much like God's kingdom). The purpose of this blog entry is to reveal that I have been given a clear and meaningful purpose, one that I could not ignore even if I wanted to, because the will of God is just more important and more powerful than anything of this world. And here is what has been happening to me...
Yesterday, as I was deeply sleeping, my cell phone rang and it was my cousin in despair, calling that she needed my help. And I could have chosen to keep sleeping because it was very early in the morning, but I chose to help her and let her come upstairs. She is going through a rough circumstance, almost similar to an extent to what I have been going through, and she was in dire need of moral support. Seeing how I kind of went through what she went through, I sought my Bible and asked God to tell me something that we both needed to hear. "Please," I prayed from my heart. And my eyes were guided to immediately fall on Isaiah 21:6-7. This could not have come at a better time, and once we started speaking about God, our whole conversation just kind of SNOWBALLED into an amazing idea. . . And just like that, BAM, our idea for H.O.M.E was born. H.O.M.E is going to be a place where families are fostered for orphans and kids who never really had that love or family. H.O.M.E is going to be everything and more, and it will have God at its center, as its stronghold. My cousin and I spent the rest of the day talking more about it, planning things out, thinking about potential investors (although it will ultimately be a non-profit organization), and even building layout designs. It is all a matter of time, but with all the research we have already done, I am in complete awe at the will power of God, and how much GOOD you can do before noon on a weekday morning. It is unbelievable. It is beautiful.
And the glory of God doesn't stop there. I went to work at 3 pm that same day, feeling in need of rest as I work around 70 hours a week, working at least 6 hours everyday. But upon arriving home at 3 am, and falling asleep, I was soon awakened at 5 am... And I was awakened, indefinitely. I was awakened by the light of God, a light so bright, that it was glorious and beautiful and effervescent, and glowing, and it shook me to my core, and then when I thought things couldn't get more beautiful, I realized right then and there that all throughout this thing called life, we have the choice to choose life or death. And with Jesus, we have the option of life forever available to us. And I reached for life, once more, and then, miraculously, I heard God speak to me. And one of the first things he told me clearly was that He was coming soon and that I could not go another day without sharing the gospel with my dad. My dad, who technically is my step-father, is a great, sweet, honest, hard working man, but he is a Muslim. And as a Christian-Catholic who just heard God telling her to talk to her dad, I could not refuse this heavenly duty placed upon me. And what's more is that God revealed something to me: that although I (or we as a human race) have the will and the want and the urge to go help others, to do His work in faraway lands, we first have to start in our own homes. What good is all that love of helping if in our own hearts, in our own homes, and/or in our own families, there is much to do for God's kingdom? As a people who follow Christ, and as a family of God, we have been Set Apart (Leviticus 22:24) to do something about it. To Act and To Be in faith, because when it comes to true love, fear has no place: only faith. And although I am completely overwhelmed and taken aback by the fact that God would test me over and over to see if I was ready for this message from him, I have heard it loud and clear, and I am sharing it with those I love... especially starting from the inside of my family and their hearts.
May God Bless You, because once Your life is in His hands, you will be shown a life of abundant blessings far more greater than anything you could have ever dreamed or imagined. I always loved kids and wanted my own, and now, with God's blessing and guidance and support, I may have way more coming than I ever expected. And it is Good, so Good.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
Thus Far
I take a look at my life thus far and if I had written this entry just a little bit earlier, I probably would have been morbid and bitter and shown to regret every turn I have taken. But standing here today, and writing this now, I feel wiser and firmer in my decisions than ever before, and I am proud to say that, although it may not have been in anyway how I saw it, I am slowly getting to the place where I need to be. And I have God to thank for getting me here safely.
Being away in Europe for an entire year, away from the people I love and the home that I now appreciate more than ever, I have learned many valuable life lessons; lessons that have grounded my faith, that have strengthened my sense of self, and that have showed me that the love I have with my family is one that I could never be without. But what's more is that I have learned the most important lesson of all: True Love is the only refuge.
When I say that True Love is the only refuge, the only safe-haven, the only thing that can guide us correctly... I am not talking strictly about any human love. No. It is more than that. It is spiritual. It is personal. It is outside of the realm. It is something that words cannot describe. It is that type of Love, that type of Belonging, that we ALL, at some point or another, are desperately seeking, reaching out for always, and are always hoping that an indefinite sense of security does really exist. And after everything I have been through, I can assure anyone, anywhere, anytime, that it does exist. And I received it as a gift. And we can all have this gift of unconditional, everlasting, protecting, True love. We just have to start at the source: looking within and reaching outwards, sharing it with those who need it most.
In my time of need, God surrounded me with angels, people who really care about me and who dropped everything just to make sure that I was okay. And in my time of need, I was shocked that such love and such compassion actually existed in this world. Since then, everything has changed for me.
And since then, although I know I am safe and loved and that I have nothing to fear, life still throws little worries and challenges at me. And I have to admit that if I were alone in all of this, I probably wouldn't be able to withstand the ferocity of these issues. But because of the love of God and the support of my family, I am slowly getting through it.
I have been through a major break-up, involving more than heartache, where the flesh was made a playground, both in pleasure and in pain. Emotional pain. But also physicial pain--bruises that are now faded, but the burden behind them is still as heavy as the cement holding the foundations of buildings. It has been almost two months that I have cried everyday, trying to deal with it. It has been almost two months that there was no contact between the two of us. It has been almost two months that I have been in intensive therapy, trying to cope with my sanity that has been tangled in the ropes of life. It was almost two months, and then out of nowhere, he has begun to reach out to me again, almost begging my return.
But after all the progress I have made, I do feel stronger, and I can actually stand here and say that I do not know if I even want him back. We have been through a lot, and he seems sincere in his words, but I wonder if his actions could ever match up to his claims? Could his actions actually change from before? Could he actually become the man that he claims he can be for me? I always aim to believe in people, but I am a little scared about this one. For now, I am taking a break, and leaving it all in the hands of God. I am unsure about my next step, but I am sure that I can not take a step backward. Whatever happens has to be something that moves me forward. And I am waiting to be guided by the hands of True Love.
Also, there is another distraction in the mix. I have met a co-worker at one of my two current jobs. He definitely is not anymore perfect for me than my ex, but he is definitely keeping me distracted. There is just something about him that is so unbelievable appealing, I can't even grasp it. Of course, life would have it that the downside of this possible new romance is that he is already involved with some other woman. And I should take that as a clear indication that he is off-limits and that I should not even think about him, but I do find myself thinking about this new man and I do not know how to stop it.
After all of this, I am just wondering where it will all go... Where will I end up? I wish I could speed up time, fast forward to the part where all my problems are trophies of the past, obstacles that I overcame, and that I could be happy with a family of my own. However, I know that I would not want to waste a single second of my time here on Earth, and that this one life to live is worth that one love, no matter how we get there or where we end up.
Being away in Europe for an entire year, away from the people I love and the home that I now appreciate more than ever, I have learned many valuable life lessons; lessons that have grounded my faith, that have strengthened my sense of self, and that have showed me that the love I have with my family is one that I could never be without. But what's more is that I have learned the most important lesson of all: True Love is the only refuge.
When I say that True Love is the only refuge, the only safe-haven, the only thing that can guide us correctly... I am not talking strictly about any human love. No. It is more than that. It is spiritual. It is personal. It is outside of the realm. It is something that words cannot describe. It is that type of Love, that type of Belonging, that we ALL, at some point or another, are desperately seeking, reaching out for always, and are always hoping that an indefinite sense of security does really exist. And after everything I have been through, I can assure anyone, anywhere, anytime, that it does exist. And I received it as a gift. And we can all have this gift of unconditional, everlasting, protecting, True love. We just have to start at the source: looking within and reaching outwards, sharing it with those who need it most.
In my time of need, God surrounded me with angels, people who really care about me and who dropped everything just to make sure that I was okay. And in my time of need, I was shocked that such love and such compassion actually existed in this world. Since then, everything has changed for me.
And since then, although I know I am safe and loved and that I have nothing to fear, life still throws little worries and challenges at me. And I have to admit that if I were alone in all of this, I probably wouldn't be able to withstand the ferocity of these issues. But because of the love of God and the support of my family, I am slowly getting through it.
I have been through a major break-up, involving more than heartache, where the flesh was made a playground, both in pleasure and in pain. Emotional pain. But also physicial pain--bruises that are now faded, but the burden behind them is still as heavy as the cement holding the foundations of buildings. It has been almost two months that I have cried everyday, trying to deal with it. It has been almost two months that there was no contact between the two of us. It has been almost two months that I have been in intensive therapy, trying to cope with my sanity that has been tangled in the ropes of life. It was almost two months, and then out of nowhere, he has begun to reach out to me again, almost begging my return.
But after all the progress I have made, I do feel stronger, and I can actually stand here and say that I do not know if I even want him back. We have been through a lot, and he seems sincere in his words, but I wonder if his actions could ever match up to his claims? Could his actions actually change from before? Could he actually become the man that he claims he can be for me? I always aim to believe in people, but I am a little scared about this one. For now, I am taking a break, and leaving it all in the hands of God. I am unsure about my next step, but I am sure that I can not take a step backward. Whatever happens has to be something that moves me forward. And I am waiting to be guided by the hands of True Love.
Also, there is another distraction in the mix. I have met a co-worker at one of my two current jobs. He definitely is not anymore perfect for me than my ex, but he is definitely keeping me distracted. There is just something about him that is so unbelievable appealing, I can't even grasp it. Of course, life would have it that the downside of this possible new romance is that he is already involved with some other woman. And I should take that as a clear indication that he is off-limits and that I should not even think about him, but I do find myself thinking about this new man and I do not know how to stop it.
After all of this, I am just wondering where it will all go... Where will I end up? I wish I could speed up time, fast forward to the part where all my problems are trophies of the past, obstacles that I overcame, and that I could be happy with a family of my own. However, I know that I would not want to waste a single second of my time here on Earth, and that this one life to live is worth that one love, no matter how we get there or where we end up.
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