Believing vs. Waiting

"Late at night when all the world is sleeping,
I stay up and think of you..."

I'm a big Selena fan and I know so many of her songs, especially Dreaming of You. I can't feel more connected to this song than this moment right here. I have been dreaming of the love of my life, and I have waited for him what seems like almost a year. Sure, we've had rocky bumps this past year, but he should know "Como te necessito." I love this man with all my heart and it would only seem right that we end up together. Is it crazy? I don't know. I kind of think it might be. But that's what Love is, right? Crazy and unpredictable and consuming and worth it all. And I know, that someday, he will be worth it all. I am just waiting for him to forgive himself because, I think I have forgiven him. What he did against us doesn't even matter at this point because when it comes down to it, he's the only man I want to be with for the rest of my life. No more lies. No more pain. No more games.

I want to be with him. And I am finally going to listen to my heart. I just hope with all my life that his heart feels exactly the same.. How could it not, right? We have been through so much and regardless of the downs, we always come back to the ups, and love just glows brighter than the last time. I don't want to keep going back and forth, wading in the confusion of a maybe. I don't want the maybe. I don't want the no. I want the yes.
I am not asking to marry him, I am not asking to be together forever. I am just a girl standing in front of a boy, telling him that I love him more than anything I have ever come to know. If I could I would trade it all just to be with him. I would take back all these wonderful opportunities to travel the world just so that we could recapture the love that slipped through my hands. I have felt the earth move through my hands everytime my heart opened up to his. And he opened up back to me. That has to be love.

I am so nervous at this point, because I have taken a big leap over a steep edge, overlooking an abyss of a cliff. And I don't know where I am going to land, but I hope that his heart finally breaks my fall.

Who made love so complicated? Why does love come with some pain sometimes? I know that "Temporary pain leads to permanent happiness," but when will this pain be over? It seems that it is becoming permanent and I don't want to lose hope.

And then I think, maybe I am just afraid to move on. To see what else is out there. Although I have definitely been around the world, and to be honest, I can't seem to find anyone as good as him for me. Maybe I am just being impatient? Maybe I just have to wait a little longer? I feel like this year has been an eternity and I am tired of waiting around.

So many love songs that profess die-hard passion is what I want to sing to him. It may be crazy, and it may be sad, but at least I am not cynical. I still believe in love. And I still believe in him--in us...
But the big question at this point is:

Does he?

I have taken a chance to believe. And maybe, waiting isn't so bad. But I pray with every fibre of my being, that I won't be here waiting another year. And yet, Love is definitely worth waiting for.